But we know exactly what went on. Everyone knows each other in this industry and weall talk about it in the pub afterwards.
Here's what we thought we heard.
Roger Black gave a speech to open IP Expo. Then Neil Crockett of Cisco lectured usabout how Cisco was spending our taxes on the technologicalunderpinnings of the London 2012 Olympic Games.
We should blimming well hope so too, given the billions in taxes we've lavished on them
A crowd of bemused and slightly uncomfortable punters gathered at the Arkadin showcase. They watched, slack jawed, from a safe distance as local artists acted out some kind of visual metaphor which, it turned out, was supposed to illustrate Arkadin's new Cloud Collaboration andVideo Conferencing service. Hats off to them for trying something differentfrom the usual half naked model actress paid £50 to give out leaflets for the day.
Atlanta Technology, however, reverted to tradition and used boiled sweets, free biros and stress balls as a means of drawing attention to its Private Cloud Services and newly attained Hitachi Silver Partner Status.
A rumour swept through the press office that Check Point Software Technologies had simplified public and private cloud security. The controversial initiative divided Expo fans, with some die hards claiming that Checkpoint had 'sold out' to 'the man' by being so nakedly commercial.
Purists say it's the biggest populist sell out since Dylan went electric.
On another stage, CentrixSoftware joined Microsoft UK and belted out a medley of their old hits, along with some new material such as Jumpstart Programand a new Cloud-based version of WorkSpaceiQ. Nice.
Datacore Software, the IT industry's answer to Depeche Mode, introduced its new concept album, Storage Hypervisor and Auto-Tiering, to mixed responses. Many of the fans had come to hear their old favourites, such as Seamless Access to Cost-Effective Cloud Storage, which the band reluctantly agreed to play as an encore.
But there were no such problems for Spitfire, an ISP with a fanatical following. When it announced A Free connection to EFM Ethernet Circuits valid for a Limited Time Only, the crowd nearly took the roof off Olympia.
As marketing manager Susie Ward strutted the stage, demonstrating SIP solutions and offering new SIP Trunk and Ethernet packages at ground breaking price points, you just didn't want to be anywhere else in the world.
This was first published in October 2011