By Steve Shipside
July 28 2008
Does anyone out there know of an ethical satnav? It doesn't have to be a miniature wrist-top device, it doesn't have to come built in to a phone, although it does have to be portable and, given the nature of my lifestyle, it should certainly be splash-proof.
My problem is that my moral compass has been a bit haywire for years and I'm looking for a replacement. Preferably one that I can point to in court as being the sole reason for my misbehaviour. Satnavs seem to be the scapegoat du jour for drivers, so I figure someone should produce one for non-motorised misdemeanours.
A satnav was to blame according to a lorry driver in Cornwall who, on finding himself in a cul-de-sac, opted to do a U-turn, writing off seven cars in the process. A van driver recently told a court that his satnav was to blame for routing him onto the Newcastle-Carlisle rail line, resulting in a bit of a set-to with an express train.
A 20-year-old in Wales has sworn never again to rely on a satnav after hers "directed her into the path of a speeding train" at a level crossing. And there's my personal favourite, the Syrian lorry driver aiming for
Gibraltar who wound up in Skegness because his satnav directed him to Gibraltar Point nature reserve.
Now I should add that the van driver got slapped with a suspended sentence and the Syrian bloke was probably punished enough by winding up in Skegness, but what strikes me most about the others is the idea that they not only believed "the satnav made me do it", but felt free to say so in court. Let's think about this. There you are driving down a road towards a train track. Level crossings tend to be spectacularly well marked, and just in case you hadn't got the point, there is a speeding express with the clear intention of occupying the same point in space and time as you will if you are stupid enough to turn into its path. Then an automated voice from the dashboard says "turn left" and you think, "sure, why not?".
It seems that some 300,000 car crashes have been caused by GPS in the UK, if The Daily Mirror is to be believed (I will leave that to your discretion). The government has announced that new sentencing will crack down on motorists who kill while distracted by in-car gadgets such as satnavs. Which is interesting because unlike, say, phones, that means you can get five years in prison for using a device exactly as its manufacturer intended.
I have a better idea. What they really need to do is tweak existing satnavs so that when you open the door to get in, the automated voice instructs you to smash your forehead repeatedly against the steering column until unconsciousness sets in. That way those who slavishly follows their satnavs will never actually leave the driveway.
